"Office Space" was a documentary.
The fluorescent lights, horrible drop ceiling panels and of course the padded box we occupy. It is soul sucking and life draining. I am not even sure how I got to this point in my life. Sat in a swivel chair, shuffling paperwork from one side of the desk to the other and responding “good” to the question “how are you?”. There are so many other words I would rather use than good when asked. I try and remain civilized despite it all. Plus, I do believe in manners. Sitting inside your cubicle and listening to the daily routine chatter. The same sentences uttered as if on repeat. It is maddening. Therefore, I am pretty sure “Office Space” was a documentary.
There is a window just beyond my desk and I happen to glace at it occasionally. Some days are beautiful, sunny, and breezy. Others are rainy or cold. Either way I am not out there enjoying it. Instead, I am breathing recycled air, burning my eyes staring at a screen and wasting precious time. We all sit at our jobs for one reason or other. Most of the time it is because we have bills to pay, and this world requires us to give our lives over to the currency-based consumerism. We all dream beyond those shackles the world places on us.
We really can’t do anything without money. So, we sit in these horrid buildings, losing out on the beauty that awaits outside. We know there are a million things we could be doing. The lists we make of what needs to be done when we get home are numerous and mostly unfinished. Surrounding ourselves with pictures of vacations or being anywhere but in the walls of this padded hell. On a particularly slow day you may do as I do and contemplate life. When will I be able to retire (if ever)? How can I survive and take care of my family if I just quit? Do I really need this job? Where did I go wrong? I have thought about what I could do to have more time enjoying life rather than dying inside my self-made prison.
I went back to school because I was so unhappy with the prospects of doing this for the rest of my life. I am still working on that. However, I continued marching on, finding ways to express my creativity (and try not to completely die inside). Hence this blog and subsequent podcast. I think I just want what everyone wants, a job/career we want to be in. To be the best at whatever it is we enjoy and of course be paid to do so. I also just want to not be stressed everyday about how I am paying for everything and if I will ever to be able to go anywhere besides work and home. It is an anxiety ridden nightmare.
Never let anyone tell you that because you sit at a desk it is any less tiring than doing manual labor. I have done both sides of that coin and frankly I find the desk job more energy sucking than loading a UPS truck (yes, I did that). I am not sure if when you sign on to become the employee, that really it is a contract for your soul, or if the lights suck the life out of you the longer you sit below them. It is odd how you change as soon as you walk in and walk out. Plaster the smile on, say good morning or good night and a slew of other pleasantries. We even laugh at stupid jokes and then find ourselves starting to make those same jokes.
Until I can finish my degree and walk into my career, a desk job it is. I will sit at my desk and think of all the things I could be doing or places I could be going. A smile cracking at the corners and a distant look in my eyes. I will continue to dream for better days ahead. To those that work a desk job, we can get through it.