Disconnected: Nature vs People
Growing up on a farm has made me a bit spoiled for open spaces. When we eventually had to move, I really didn’t think it would affect me as much as it has. Of course, moving from a home I’ve known for 29 years and not by choice would change anyone. Memories and emotions are destined to follow us no matter where we are. We can bring pictures, home videos and keepsakes with us. That is how we carry it all. Activation of memory through a smell, a familiar song, someone’s voice and the list can go on.
What I did not expect was the need to connect to those open spaces. Regardless of what you believe in, I firmly believe that nature helps us to heal. The energy that connects us can help raise the spirits and bring some form of clarity. I had ten acres to trample through. I used to go outside and just breath in the air. I would sit in the field and close my eyes taking in the sun light and gentle breezes sifting through the trees. It helped clear my head and relax. On beautiful breezy days, I would lay on the ground and watch the clouds pass by while the trees danced to a song I could not hear.
There was space between me and the rest of the world. It was as if a snow globe was built around my home. It didn’t, however, mean we were free of worry or care. We were constantly threatened by the possibility of losing our house. Someone coming to take pictures or knock on our door. Paying monthly bills was almost impossible and keeping the oil heat on had me running to the gas station for diesel every other day. We had a small 5-gallon tank that we needed to get a least two full fills to restart the heater. Getting 100 gallons, which was the minimum, of oil was just too much at once for us.
It was further from being a picture-perfect place than you might think. I know I talk about missing the place and wishing we didn’t have to leave, but it was a stressful time in all our lives. Memories still filled the rooms, and it was where I felt safe. I admit I don’t want to return to the stress filled days that were a constant. It is much better where we are now. I am happy that we have survived and have made it the way we have. I think what I miss the most now, is the space. The ability to go out and walk for about ten minutes straight, still be on my property and not see a single soul. It was less people and more air to breath.
When I say I am disconnected, I mean I haven’t had the space to feel the breeze and connect with the nature surrounding me. I did that regularly. I am aware there are parks and I do have a small backyard with a few trees. But people. So noisy, both in energy and sound. I walk out my front door and there is someone to my left. I go out to the backyard and there is someone right behind me. It makes me feel claustrophobic.
If this is the most, I have to gripe about than I suppose I am living a good life. I just feel the inner me is starving for that breathing room. Sometimes we need some nature time. A walk in the woods or just to feel the breeze brush our faces. I figured I would vent it out a little bit and again I know that my situation is much better than it was. We all just need a bit of quiet and peace. To which I intend to find as soon as I can. Remember to give yourself a break. Life can throw us all a lot and a breath of fresh air come, on occasion, give us that fresh start we needed.